To You My Dear Friend
I am well aware that you still battle against it day by day. And only by His grace are you able to rise up against it every time.
Don’t you worry. One day, you’ll get used to it. That you’re not with them anymore.
One day, you’ll move on. Just like how you were able to do so before. But I know, you will have those nostalgic moments when you will look at your photos with them and remember the good stuff. Tearjerker. I know, right.
If God allowed this, surrender. I know it hurts you cause you’ve learned to open your heart. You’ve learned to be vulnerable. You’ve allowed them to peek into your life. You’ve given them the keys to your heart that you chose to lock up for so long. You shared your dreams. You thought they were the “one”. You thought it would last. But it turned out not as you anticiapated.
I know you’re caught off guard. Somehow, you find yourself wallowing in regret. I tell you, you made the right decision back then. don’t tell me you never were joyful and satisfied during those times you were together! You grew. I saw it! You learned from them. You shared laughters. You saw them cry. Don’t ever regret that you have allowed your life to be entangled with theirs.
If you think your “trust was betrayed” (as you described it), you are not alone. God felt that. He still feels it. God feels your pain. The only one who can counsel you is Him who had walked the path you’re walking through right now. And remember, they’re humans as well. Imperfect. They hurt just as you can also hurt them.
Maximize this time. Take this time to cultivate your relationship with your Prince. Allow your roots to grow deeper. Get alone with God. As much as possible. Get your joy from him. Validation from him. Be vulnerable to him. Let him heal you. And I pray that as your run your hands along the scar which you just acquired, may it not be self-pity that will overrule you. May you feel redeemed. I pray that it won’t be bitterness that will get ahold of you, but rather may Love consume you!
Find joy in this trying time.This struggle you’re facing is not meaningless. Who knows, if perhaps, as Laura Story sings in her song, the “trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?”
Don’t be afraid. Open that heart once more. Don’t you dare wear that mask again! You’ve been set free. Gone are the shackles. Broken are the chains.
He holds your hand. He won’t let you fall even when all else seems to be falling. You are loved. Preach that to yourself every single day. Till your seemingly fragile heart sings with confidence that you are indeed loved and cared for.
One day when you look back you will find that God beautifully scripted everything. You may not see it now, but don’t stop looking.
Praying for you,
Calm down oh, weary heart.
We’ll get through this.
You’re not made for this world.
Love is far more on the other side.
Don’t stop beating.
And we don’t just want to be known in a shallow way.
But in a relational way, in a loving way.
Because when we are known in a deep and loving way, it changes us.
- Jenna Lucado Bishop
I think I just stumbled upon my “there’s a way to be good again” opportunity. It’s beckoning me. pulling me the way a magnet pulls iron from dust. and the force is so strong i cannot resist. i have to let go of the demon i have allowed to stay within me rent-free.
The only way i could start over again happens when i cut the anchors lose. everything that weighs me down. that imprisons me. there is freedom in surrender. i’m embracing my redemption. Kiyaaaah!
Note: the line “There’s a way to be good again” is from the movie The Kite Runner. Check it out. :)
Life is like NCIS. Even without Agent Ziva—my favorite character—it has to keep going.
Even without the characters who played a very significant role in my life, my life has to go on.
Sure thing, watching NCIS without Ziva is like drinking coffee without sugar. The sensation in my taste buds is not what I’ve gotten used to. People who once added flavor to my life has to leave. The feeling is not what I’ve gotten used to. Eh?
While watching episode 5 of the eleventh season, there were occasions where I find myself muttering, “NCIS is not the same anymore.” “I miss Ziva.” “If Ziva’s there, what assignment is she engaged to right now? Is Abby hugging her? Is Tony making fun of her?”
Sure, there are moments when I tell myself, “my life is never the same without the dgroup I have learned to love.” “oh, I miss the times spent together.” “What are the things that we might be engaged to at this exact moment?” “Am I laughing at Jaimey’s joke or Pau’s? Am I poking fun at Adnel? I miss the “us” just as I miss the “them” in NCIS. T-e-a-m.
Ziva’s exit caught a lot off guard. So is with the exit of my dear teammates. I was taken aback. But just as the head writer has to change the storyline, so do I with mine. The writer has to throw out a lot of planning. I’ve to dismiss envisioned dreams with them.
Apparently, Ziva left a void upon shutting the door behind her. real life Zivas did in my life as well. But then, NCIS is NCIS with or without her. Life is life with or without these band of soldiers I have fought the battle with for months. Somebody might fill Ziva’s post. Some people might fill the post of my former co-warriors or I might be reassigned to another camp. Temporarily or permanently, I cannot tell. But one thing I know, Ziva’s character wasn’t killed by the writer, therefore there’s a possibility that she might be back. Boy, do I love that! Hahaha! But as for now, season 11 will keep running. My life will keep going on. :)
Ziva please come back for Tony!!!! :D
Something’s so sweet with this: “Kamusta ka na? Kwentuhan mo ako. :)” “Catching up” with Ate Ann is scary but what a relief :) Scary that she has to know what’s been running in my mind for the last few weeks (or maybe months) and a relief that even if i what i told her were just small details of my story, i had the chance to breathe out, which i haven’t done for quite a while.
i was actually hesitant making kwento to her, but there’s this genuineness in her eyes i can’t resist. Genuineness that says she doesn’t just want me to make kwento for the sake of making kwento. i yielded and kwento i did! *sorry for my kwento, friends! hahaha*
Things are going to be fine. Redemption is on it’s way. Daylight will spread itself and envelope the wickedness of the night. These, i believe. :)
But I want to set the record straight,
I want to retrace my every step.
If I could just rewind all the tapes
Then maybe I’d find my loose thread.
— Intermission, Sleeping at Last
Check his youtube channel :)
Maybe it’s me and my blind optimism to blame.
Or maybe it’s you and your sick need to give love and take it away.